Look, I've never begrudged a single three-minute stretch of my life that I may have spent listening to the Jackson 5 work through "I Want You Back" (or "The Love You Save," for that matter, two of the best damn singles of all time, the last two decades of Jackson Madness nonwithstanding), but, I have a few hours that I want added back to my life.
First, I want back the two hours that I spent watching Spike Lee's Inside Man. Not because it's Spike Lee. Not because it's a heist film. (Let's face it: Spike Lee has made at least two good films; and, likewise, there have been some damn good heist films in history). And not even because Willem DeFoe doesn't get enough screen time. But just because it's a lousy Spike Lee movie, a lousy heist movie, and a waste of my two hours.
But, then, I watched it all. Via DVD. So, I have no excuse.
And, then, I want back the 90 minutes that I gave to Borat. Or, if I can't have all 90 back, I'll spot you 10 and take 80. I enjoyed the rodeo. I enjoyed the frat guys in the motorhome. And I enjoyed the last minute of the first prostitute sequence. And I enjoyed an isolated minute or two in other places. But, given everything, I want 80 minutes back.
Selfish, maybe, but I think I deserve them.